Reading for Lent

I have come to believe that the Lenten season, even if it is followed imperfectly, changes much inside a person. I say this, not as a Catholic, but as one who came to Christ a little more than a year ago. I fell into Lent with a gusto last year, wanting to fix all my unholiness - every imperfection, every sin - once and for all. God may have smiled at my impulsiveness, but He did reward me. Richly. Extravagantly, as He always does.

I gave up red wine for Lent last year and struggled for much of the time. After a year, I have finally sacrificed all alcohol for a deeper relationship with The Lord.

Over the last year I saw the hold of shame and guilt fall away from me. I had always had a deep sense of shame about my body and no amount of telling me that it was a holy temple fixed it because the Living God did not occupy it. Once He did, He freed me not just from shyness, shame and guilt but also from various addictions to which I had fallen prey. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "Without [Christ] there is no realization that the world is... without God. Rather, what is worldly will always try to satisfy its unquenchable longing for deification. The world... completely falls prey to itself, and ultimately will put itself in God's place." That was me, to a large degree. Idolatry of the heart comes so naturally to me that I can sometimes only find comfort in the words of Jesus, "I have come not to call the righteous to repentance, but sinners."

This year, I know I need to go deeper. There is so much in me that needs to be burned away in the holy fire of God's love. Maybe not cursing at other drivers while driving will be a good start? I have been convicted of that often lately and I think that is where I'm starting. It seems odd to say that I'm going to fast from calling people names (not just other drivers) but I'm beginning to see how it comes so close to casting a judgment on someone when I call him a fool or an idiot, even in my thoughts. 

But then, Christ does not call us to an overt religion of ceremony but a heart attitude of love for God. Lent, I think, is supposed to be difficult. I hope in The Lord and "hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:5)